Unfinished business

I have finished a relationship with a person. He was lazy and rude and cranky. He was a sloth. Well with me anyway.

He sat and watched screens all day everyday from when he got out of bed in the mornings to when he went to bed at night. I was not enough for him to want to change to be a better person. So I had to let him go. I tried everything I knew how to to get him to interact with me. talk, texting instead of talking, sex games, do stuff, in the end I gave up!!!! I tried for about 18 months. I believe that’s enough time. In that time I became a shell of myself. My relationship was failing with my daughter and that is the most important thing to me at present. She is very young and needs guidance. She needed that and he was not prepared to give that to her he downplayed all advances of her telling him she loved him. It may have been his love language not to be outwardly showing of his love but that’s beside the point. And that topic is for another day.

The point of this is I am frustrated and hurt and angry. The question is why didn’t he do what it took to stay with me. To have a great relationship. I guess the short answer is…….. I was not enough.

He now has lost weight and is active swimming and the like. Why could he not do this with me? Don’t get me wrong I know we have made the right choice in asking him to move out-none of us were happy. But the question is why did he not do this with me-what was it about this relationship that he didn’t want? Or couldn’t deal with?

Maybe I didn’t expect enough from him… maybe I let him get away with a lot…. Nah I was giving him a chance to grow on his own. Even though I asked and told him how I felt. I don’t think I nagged, maybe I needed to nag him. What I said fell on deaf ears he would say he forgot or talked over me or just plain out ignored me.

In my eyes a love relationship can talk about everything no matter how much it hurts. It’s about having the tough conversations and talking through them and finding solutions. He could not do that. Not with me anyway.

I guess I will never know as he will not have a conversation with me I don’t think I want it now anyway it’s too late. Maybe we were just not meant to be. Maybe it was the wrong reasons that brought us together. So much self doubt in me right now…….. what if I make the wrong choice again?