This is what I say when I am feeling extremely overwhelmed by EVERYTHING. Money is getting tight. Bills are getting paid late. The house repayments are increased. Food is getting more expensive. No rain-for is or others who really need it. Looks like water will have to be paid for (to the government) whether it’s from the sky or the tap. Speaking to certain people is becoming harder- However I feel that what I say is not important anyway. I am concerned about my kids and their future. My future looks bleak and bad. As I age I ache. The future of the earth is terrifying. I am considering thoughts of not being here anymore. It is better to just not exist. My head hurts. My heart is feeling the pressure in my chest. I am having trouble finding the positives. Although my daughter is a huge positive and I will drag myself out of bed for her most days. Without her knowing how I feel. I have to hide it so she doesn’t know. I did the same with the older two-though then I did it badly.
I just want to hide
I feel panic rising.
Now I know I have a choice, we always have choices. I have to overcome these bad things feelings and thoughts the problem is how HOW??? I have a lot more clarity nowadays but there was a time when all was black and i couldn’t overcome anything. These are the times I attempted to end the pain. Those were my dark days. I have not felt like that in a very long time. It is easier to see I have choices. I do not feel so empty and alone. But still feel it. It is not so disabling. I have the desire to just lie in bed and stare out the window. But I don’t do that. Although maybe that would be better than picking up the phone and playing a meaningless game. That just stops everything but doesn’t help at all. The problems will always be there when the game finishes. Just like any addiction, I guess.
There are too many things to deal with. Start with one I hear you say. Which one? Doesn’t matter? Just start.
Or keep pushing through. The danger of doing this is the problem doesn’t get addressed and is pushed down and hidden-squashed and when it arises again it will be bigger and cause more problems.
it will be ok 